Nasturtiums North

goodbye to Alaska

2010-01-30T17:59:00.004-09:00

I tried to avoid Christmas. I was leaving a few hours into December 27. I had a million things to do and far too many people to say goodbye to.

This had been my home for 15 years. I wasn't at all sure that leaving was what I wanted.

But Christmas has its own plans. December was even more beautiful than usual in Anchorage. Someone started hanging ornaments on the trees in the University Lake dog park. Many others were inspired to add to them.

Linda, Marge, and I started watching "A Christmas Carol" on television. The 1934 version, and the Muppets, and Bill Murray, and the great Patrick Stewart. Then Doreen contributed perhaps the greatest version - Mr. Magoo. It was a wonderful Christmas.

The next night at the airport was hard. Rocky cried as we handed him over in his crate. Sookie screamed and panted until I was sure she would die. I clung to Linda and sobbed all the way through security. The TSA people handed me tissues.

It seemed only a few hours, then I was in Orlando and Bonnie and Jim were there to meet me. I picked up the dogs within minutes. They were calm and mildly happy to see me.

Florida

fuss about mammography guidelines

2009-11-21T15:38:00.004-09:00

Old news, just another agency saying it again.

And you'd think a sniper was shooting 40 year old women at a shopping mall.

I don't understand why women are so devoted to such a lousy test. Mammography may save some lives - not often and usually in older women.

And the blogosphere is full of women saying they were diagnosed by mammogram in their 40's and would be dead if they hadn't been tested. That might be true for a few, but it can't be true for many. This is like basing health policy on shark attacks or lightning strikes. Most of these women would have found lumps a little later, had them biopsied, and been treated the same way months or years later, with the same excellent survival rates. Some of them would have been screened at 50 and the lesions that were present at 44 would have vanished anyway.

Commentators tell me that breast cancer is the greatest health concern of women. Only if they are illiterate or misinformed or responding too enthusiastically to marketing plans. Others have announced that women do not base health decisions on evidence or statistics. That's not true. I do.

I was 53 at diagnosis but I don't think that mammogram saved my life. I can't be sure, but I might have died of heart disease at 70 with the same DCIS in my right breast, not bothering anyone.

I've always looked at evidence and guidelines. I was skeptical about mammography. No skeptical enough to ignore it
completely, but I spaced them 5 years apart. I thought that was often enough and it turned out it was.

We have way too much breast cancer "awareness" and way too much screening.

The guidelines (which are not new incidentally) are rational, not rationing.

choice

2009-11-19T20:24:00.002-09:00

Reasons to live in Alaska

Nobody ever asks what I think about Sarah Palin

Muktuk (no one eats raw whale in the Lower 48)

Salmonberries

Night skies in winter

Moose in yard

Ravens

Dog mushing

Fillipino food

Fourth of July in Juneau

legal ivory from extinct mammals

Reasons to move to Florida

Cuban sandwiches

place is swarming with Keadys

can walk dog without putting on sweater, coat, and four booties

26 species of turtles

over one million alligators

no volcanoes

pelicans

better chance for a real chopped liver sandwich

fresh produce

flowers all year round

alaska vegies

2009-08-22T18:57:00.003-08:00

Last week I went to the one of the many local farmers' markets. Now I know many people don't associate Alaska with fresh produce. But we have beautiful and delicious vegetables, and more types than southerners would imagine. Big, expensive vegetables.

Last week I bought some carrots, cucumbers, and parsley. And I looked for cabbage. The usual table cabbages ( not the giants grown for competition every year) were way too big.

I love cabbage - raw or cooked. I can eat the usual supermarket cabbage all by myself in a week or two. And Alaska cabbages are remarkably sweet and tender. But huge.

So I thought about buying a nice Alaska cabbage. I would have to find three other people to share it with me. It was all too much to cope with.

Today I visited another farmers' market. I bought local cheese, mikunya greens, daikon, turnips. And a couple normal size cabbages, one green and one red. I asked the Korean farmers about them. "Pick early," they said. "Too big, no one buy".

Tomorrow, cole slaw with shredded daikon and carrots!

health care reform and stupidity

2009-08-15T14:37:00.003-08:00

I am trying to figure out the health care reform protesters. They don't look like wealthy hospital owners, cardiac surgeons, or imaging equipment executives. Most of them look like people who have jobs and the kind of health insurance which will bankrupt them after a trip to the emergency room, the birth if a baby, or an early and treatable cancer. What the hell are they defending?

It can't possibly be health care in the US today. This seems to be a new and mysterious battle in the culture wars, like creationists, vaccination resistors, and gay marriage opponents. Sarah Palin, of course, is right in the middle of it. I didn't think she would just disappear but this is even worse than I thought.

Maybe Charles Pierce is right in "Idiot America", when he says we have become a nation that values ignorance and superstition over knowledge and science.

And the health care reform they are objecting to isn't even the single payer or "socialized" model they are protesting. In fact it looks like a rather wimpy compromise instead of a solution. There are sound reasons why all other major industrialized nations have gone the single payer route.

Obama has only been in office seven months and I am already back to my old angry self!

happy to have herps

2009-08-12T18:55:00.004-08:00

I came home from work today frustrated about my job and my life. I am a little embarrassed to report how much my reptile and amphibian pets improved my mood.

I have two great dogs. They greet me with enthusiasm after an absence of ten hours. But they are almost too much like me. They read my moods and respond to them. They know how to get what they want (food) from me.

Tonight we will snuggle in my bed and I will pet them and talk to them.

The herps really don't care about me. This is remarkably soothing.

I have been worried about the frog for six months. He has refused to eat more than once every six to eight weeks. I know that he is an old frog. I am at least his third human and I adopted him four years ago. So I have worried about frog palliative care and frog euthanasia Then a month ago, he started eating. Now he is up to two goldfish (and the occasional earthworm) each week. Tonight I cleaned an enormous poop from his cage and told him how pleased I was.

My brothers used to tease me about being easily entertained.

The king snake had eaten a mouse on Saturday. She was only a week past a shed and was so soft to touch and brilliant to look at that it made my day. She has bitten me twice,so I was pleased when she curled around my neck peacefully as I cleaned her cage.

On careful inspection, the corn snake didn't need anything. I turned on everybody's basking lights for the evening and thought about how grateful I was to be living all these creatures.

Where were you when you heard?

2009-07-08T22:08:00.002-08:00

Not Michael Jackson's death. And why is this sad story 24/7 news? Every time I turn on CNN they have a banner that says "Breaking News Michael Jackson". Breaking news? I suspect he is still dead.

I have felt bad about Michael ever since his skin turned white and his nose disappeared. This is a tragic classic American story too much like Elvis. I am looking forward to a definitive biography from someone like Greil Marcus about ten years from now.

But where were you when you heard that Sarah Palin is leaving office? I was in Juneau taking this picture when I heard the news on the car radio. Juneau's roads form an H, with the bar as the Juneau Douglas Bridge. Technically there are four "ends of the road". The one pictured here, "out the road" past Eagle Beach is the most dramatic. Perhaps because it is about 40 miles out from the center of town, this is the one that is called "end of the road".

And Sarah. I have never voted for her and never would. But I'm horrified by the media coverage. This Vanity Fair article is so vicious I can't believe it would have been written about a male public figure. According to the article, Palin is a monster because 1) she is from Alaska and 2) had a baby a year ago.

Todd S. Purdum on Sarah Palin | vanityfair.com

2nd year mammogram is fine!

2009-06-19T21:35:00.003-08:00

I celebrated by watching Penn and Teller's Bullshit show on "Breasts"

reading Mrs. Gaskell

2009-06-14T12:49:00.007-08:00

The Kindle has changed my reading habits. I cannot resist the brand new $9.99 "hardcovers". But all the great Victorians are available for free or a few dollars. So I've downloaded all of the Brontes and Mrs. Gaskell, big hunks of Dickens and Trollope, and good old Wilkie Collins. I read some of this treasure trove every day.

Right now I'm thinking Mrs. Gaskel is the best of the lot. None of her characters are carictatures. She is so respectful of the people, servants and masters and tradesmen alike, while plying her wicked humor everywhere. She does food even better than Dickens and has pelnty to say about clothes and furniture.

Carol Shields was writing about Jane Austen when she said, "the true subject of serious fictin is not 'current events', on-going wars or polictical issues, but the search of an individual for his or her own true home". I'm fond of Jane, but I prefer Elizabeth.

And Cranford is everyone's own true home. I think of Brendan Behan reading this "very comfortable class of a book" in his borstal cell at the age of sixteen. Lingering over the description of the cherry brandy.

nothing good can possible come of this

2009-06-07T18:42:00.002-08:00

I haven't seen "Nurse Jackie" yet but all the reviews make this show sound like the best thing that ever happened to nursing. There is the problem that the lead character is addicted to prescription drugs, takes them a work every day, and trades sex for drugs with a pharmacist. And I should be grateful to Showtime for having a nurse in a feature role?

Then there is another new nursing show (I've forgotten the title already) starring Jada Pinkett Smith. I see from the promos that she is a "chief nurse executive". The promo, of course, features her doing CPR in the ER. I hate to bring this up, but it doesn't take eight years of college to learn CPR. It is taught to anyone off the street in three hours. I would like to see this character do something really hard, like face a federal inspector, negotiate with the nurses union, or approach the medical staff about an abusive and dangerous physician.

vacation and broken ankle

2009-05-25T22:13:00.006-08:00

Despite the injury, the vacation was great. I slowed everything down, seeing fewer people and going fewer places, spending more time in decent hotels with my leg elevated.

Lorraine and I had a great time in Albany - who knew what a fine and historic downtown they have. We had an awesome dinner at Captain Jack's Oyster House.

And Bruce. Our cheap seats were wonderful -close to the stage and behind it . And, in all the years I have followed Bruce and the band (or his other bands). they have never been better. Bruce relaxed, not talking much, but warm and affectionate with us. About to turn 60 and at the peak of his power. On my feet and dancing (despite cast) for 3 and 1/2 hours.

Then a pleasant drive to Rochester. I spent three days in a recliner at Aunt Margaret's place. She brought me glasses of water and snacks and a cocktail every day at five, She called the relatives and they came to see me. Uncle Jim and Aunt Bonnie took me out to lunch in a place overlooking Lake Ontario, then out for frozen custard and a burger at places he must have taken me to as a child. Uncle Bill and Aunt Gari came to dinner, and we talked about how much we miss my father. Lunch with Aunt Jeannie and her sons Randy and Scott, and Scott's three remarkably gracious kids (2-4-6). Two year old Zak said, after visiting the water garden, "I love waterfalls". I spent an hour with my cousin Mary Alice and her granddaughter Addy.

How can I live so far away from such great people?

Patrick Henry's quilt

2009-05-20T18:40:00.004-08:00

His big brother Jack has a Funky Monkey quilt with a different pattern. I forgot to photograph that one, though. Working with all that bright orange is a real treat.

Congratulations

2009-05-20T18:23:00.001-08:00

Handsome nephew #1 graduates from high school today.

further adventures in healthcare

2009-04-30T18:23:00.005-08:00

I've been working on pandemic flu plans for eight years or so in various jobs. Now its here. I have to confess to a little thrill initially but now its like the volcano - no good will come out of this. And 2009 H1N1 is complicating my vacation plans and plans to see Springsteen back east and to add to everything

I had a dog walking accident Tuesday night and fell and broke my ankle. (You should have seen the little guys run for their lives.)

So far this doesn't look like a big medical expedition. I dragged myself to bed (whimpering) and called the orthopedic office the next morning. (Never go to the emergency room with a fracture unless its sticking out of the skin. They don't consider it an emergency.) At the office they had me in, x-rayed, and casted in about 20 minutes.

This is a walking cast, but my ankle hurts and moving hurts and I spend part of the work day lying on the office floor with my foot up on the desk trying to get the swelling down.

In ten days I'm supposed to be a plane to New York. If the volcano doesn't blow again. I wonder how this ankle will feel after 12 hours flying time scrunched in that little seat. And I can't drive, so I will have to plot complex train, bus, and plane routes to get where I'm going. And what if Albany is in the throes of influenza and Bruce's show is cancelled and there I am in Albany...

I know, I'm whining.

my favorite toy

2009-03-29T12:09:00.005-08:00

This is an indoor day, obviously. Just looking out at the gray world is dispiriting. (Aunt Anne reminds me that we need ashes for Lent..).

So the Kindle is perfect. I don't have to venture out to the library (five blocks) or Barnes and Noble (three blocks.). I don't have to fall back on the hundred unread books piled up around the house.

Even though the free wireless connection sucks here in Alaska, I love this gadget. I love the feel of it in my hand, and scrolling through the titles of my virtual books.

When I bought it I told myself that of course I would still use the library and my favorite used book store. But Kindle has replaced these in my affection. This is the nicest, most comfortable way to read. I carry it with me everywhere and it draws quite a crowd. I thought only a deeply obsessed reader like me would want one, but everyone seems to like it.

now we have ashfall

2009-03-28T20:42:00.002-08:00

For years I have been whining about how I wanted to see a volcanic eruption. There has not been one in Alaska in 20 years. Two years ago we were on alert for Augustine for three months. No eruption.

Redoubt has erupted about every 12 hours for a week. Air travel is hopelessly scrambled. My friend Lenka is supposed to fly from Frankfort (Germany) to Houston to Anchorage, where I will meet her and send her on to Juneau the next day. Now this seems unlikely and her mom is scrambling to find a new route. Seattle to Juneau should work.

Now, for the first time in Anchorage, we have ashfall, Everything looks like New Jersey. Gray, gray skies. I run my finger over the snow, the step, the car and come up with a thin gray slick.

birthday presents

2009-03-22T19:03:00.004-08:00

For some reason I've been given some lovely presents this week. Linda gave me a box of hammentashen (not easy to get in Alaska) and a ticket for Spamalot.

My nephew Sean made me the pendant necklace, and Suzanne sent me the pearl and stone rope. Candles from Cynthia and Barb - there's still a little night left to enjoy them.

nice stick Rocky

2009-03-01T17:45:00.000-09:00

Fur Rondy

2009-03-01T17:35:00.005-09:00

One of our favorite events at the annual winter carnival here, the Fur Rondy, is the dog weight pull. This dainty little Alaskan husky, Reebok, eventually pulled 400 pounds. Some of the dogs were so eager to pull the handler had to hold them in midair to fasten the tow rope, since they launched themselves the minute their paws touched the ground.

Then there was this bull terrier. He was delighted to be the center of attention but had no interest in pulling anything.

It was snowing heavily and everyone was walking around in fur hats eating reindeer hot dogs. The carnival rides did not look appealing, swirling through the snow. But we northerners are a festive bunch now that the light is back. So what if we expect at least two more months of winter..

best time wasting web site of all time

2009-02-18T20:27:00.001-09:00

http://www.coverbrowser.com/

Comic book covers! Millions of them. I've often thought that I'm not smart enough or geeky enough to appreciate comics, but I can handle covers.

February

2009-02-15T10:19:00.003-09:00

This young cow has been living with us for the last week. The dogs ignore her except when she gets close to the front window. That must be dog territory and they defend it vigorously.
Yesterday afternoon a young woman (probably drunk) began harassing the moose. She waved her arms at it as she approached and backed the poor animal up against the building. Cars stopped and people got out and screamed at her. I stepped out on the front porch and called 911 on my cell. I could see other people doing the same.
We weren't protecting the human. We didn't want to see a moose shot because of her actions.
Three police cars arrived in record time. Two officers grabbed her from behind while the other distracted the moose. We all cheered as the shoved her into the car. The moose calmly went back to her bed among the trees.

President Obama

2009-02-01T19:22:00.003-09:00

Somewhere around 1968 I despaired of this country. Then in 1972 it seemed everything could change - and it didn't. All these years I've plugged away for fine candidates and (usually) watched my worst nightmares come true. The last eight years the worst of my life as a citizen.

By Inauguration Day I had stopped grieving over Hillary. Suddenly everything I had ever imagined stood in front of me.

I developed a new fascination with the transfer of power. I hadn't heard of the tradition of the outgoing president leaving a handwritten message for the new one (subject of a mean and funny SNL routine last night). I though about the children and longed to see Michelle Obama's inauguration dress in the Smithsonian. I hit the White House website at least twice a day.

Now I wake early to NPR and listen for the good news of the day. Guantanamo closing. No torture, no secret prisons. Abortion gag rule gone, Freedom of Information Act restored. Stem cell research funded. Lily Ledbetter's bill signed (and she danced with the president at the ball). The word "science" said out loud. What will happen tomorrow?

It had never occurred to me that the evils of the Bush administration could be undone.

I read the latest New Yorker, clipped the article about Obama and John Lewis, and tucked it inside my own copy of Taylor Branches' "Parting the Waters".

The latest alumnae bulletin came in the mail and I cried over the image of my fellow Columbia graduate, Barack Obama.

In today's New York Times, Bruce Springsteen spoke about the imagined land he had been singing about for 40 years. "And so on election night it showed its face, for maybe, one of the first times in adult life... I sat there on the couch and my jaw dropped and I went, 'Oh my God, it exists,' Not just dreaming it. It exists, it's there, and if this much of it is there, the rest of it's there. Let's go get that. Let's go get it. Just that is enough to keep you going for the rest of your life. All the songs you wrote are a little truer than they were a month of two ago."

And tonight Bruce and the whole extended E Street Band did an entire Springsteen concert in 12 minutes. Nothing missing. It was aerobic - raised my pulse to 160 in a second and kept it there long after the set ended and the fireworks faded.

Everything is differnet now.

Celebration

2009-01-18T14:28:00.006-09:00

I cried all through the Lincoln Memorial concert. The mall looked wonderful. Obama looked wonderful - he looked presidential.

The show was beautifully produced.( Except for some awkward moments with eagles. Those of us who have tried to chase eagles out of the garbage cans are not impressed by their close-ups),

.But everyone (well, almost everyone) on stage dressed in winter going to church clothes or dress uniforms. Smiling. Usher, Will.i.am, Queen Latifah, Herbie Hancock, Beyonce, Stevie Wonder standing so tall, proud, and happy. The choruses - church choirs, military glee clubs, kids. The flags. Bruce and U2. I cried because Pete Seegar has lived to sing "This Land is Your Land" today and because Odetta didn't. I cried remembering my first trip to DC, the antiwar rally in the fall of 69, and walking towards the mall for the first time as Richie Havens sang "Freedom".

And now its forty years later and everything seems possible. I don't think I had ever imagined today. Those forty years seem like a moment standing and shivering under cloudy skies. Today I raise my head and look at the present and the future.

Great poem from nephew Jacob: Bad Dog

2009-01-13T19:14:00.003-09:00

My nephew has given me permission to share this brilliant poem he wrote a couple years ago. He wants a per cent of any profits involved. I didn't dare tell him that there is no money in poetry, even very fine poetry like this.

Bad Dog

I am a bad dog.
My gas makes a fatal fog.

I once stole my master's new car.
I drove 120 mph into a bar.

I drink martinis with the baby.
My behavior couldn't be worse if I had rabies.

I once watched a NASCAR race.
I bit a racer there in the face.

In one day, I stole a steak
And throw a car into a rake.

If you think I'm going to the pound
You're wrong! Cause i am one bad hound.

more touching Snowzilla news

2009-01-09T19:43:00.003-09:00

Family portrait at the 2003/2004 Snowzilla

http://www.adn.com/opinion/compass/story/647591.html

good weather for Snowzilla

2009-01-07T19:06:00.004-09:00

Its been cold. Now, those of you who don't know Alaska may say "duh - Alaska -cold in January?". But Anchorage usually has pretty nice winters. Not as cold as Berlin NH or Fairbanks AK. (I have wintered in both of those places.) Not as snowy as my hometown of Rochester NY.

But the last 10 days have been cold. Highs of 0, lows of -25. Our usual crystalline winter days obscured by ice fog. Not like Fairbanks' -50, but inconvenient and unpleasant.

Nonetheless, Christmas and New Years have been wonderful. And Snowzilla has flourished.

Snowzilla became part of Anchorage winters three years ago. A neighborhood eccentric built an 18 foot snowman in his yard full of derelict vehicles and assorted trash. The story was (inexplicably) picked up internationally. Crowds swamped the pretty little subdivision (including me and my sister and nephew) posing for pictures.

This year, in the week before Christmas, local officials served Snowzilla's creator with a court order forbidding the snowman as a danger and a public nuisance. On the evening news, the fellow said sadly that he would comply. The next morning, low and behold, Snowzilla stood tall. A Christmas miracle!

Aalskans sprung into action to defend a person's right to build gigantic snowmen. See www.snowzilla.org for pictures of tiny snowman picketers at City Hall, carrying signs like "Snowpeople have rights too" and "Obama save us".

Last weekend I rounded up some neighbors and went to visit Snowzilla. He was as awesome as ever. I don't think anything could make me happier than a giant snowman.

English as a second language

2008-12-18T17:58:00.003-09:00

This sign, around the corner from home, has pleased me for two years. It advertises a small, inexpensive hotel that caters to Alaska Natives in town for visits, medical care, or shopping.
I suspect a Yupik or Inupiat speaker started this. Then at least one, and maybe more, people for whom English is a second language got involved in the production process.
"Conscious", after all, is a good thing in a motel.

Rocky's favorite part of Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T13:59:00.003-09:00

Michelle brings Nino and DJ to play soccer with the dogs.

Happy Thanksgiving from Alaska

2008-11-27T11:19:00.001-09:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8

Fortune Cookie Chronicles

2008-11-18T18:48:00.008-09:00

I am fascinated by Jennifer 8. Lee's book, The Fortune Cookie Chronicles - the history of American-Chinese food.

I love the parts about the sophistication of "chop suey" restaurants in the 20's, the menu wars, the "Golden Venture" disaster, the nasty General Tso chicken, and of course, the mysterious attachment of American Jew to Chinese food.

Remember "Network"? "Jews know two things - Chinese food and suffering".

All this makes me think of my own personal history with Chinese food. It was a long time coming. I have dim memories of my Uncle Don (the educated member of my mother's family, he'd been to Bible College somewhere in the Midwest) telling us about a trip to a Chinese restartant. "They just kept bringing platters of pork and shrimp and vegetables," he said. My mother, with her nose in the air, "If you are willing to eat things like that".

Then there were the meals Suzanne and I shared in the dim recesses of the local Chinese restaurant in Rutherford. It had a generic name - maybe China Rose or something like that. The intimacy of passing the little metal teapot. The takeout iced tea and eggrolls in the hot Jersey nights.

The Yorks cooking Japanese food and guiding us through Chinese restaurants in New Jersey, New York, and London.

And the excitement of Szechuan and Hunan food in the late 70's. Sensations I had never imagined. The glory of HOT!

Not to mention "the you no like" phenomenon that tormented me in NYC's Chinatown in the early 80's. I DO LIKE chicken feet and sea cucumbers.

Maybe we should add the chicken who played tic-tac-toe in Chinatown for over 20 years. Yes, the same chicken. Birds are long lived unless you eat them.

But Jennifer really should add a chapter about Chinese restaurants in Alaska. How every town with a population greater than 400 has a Chinese restaurant. How they are all run by Koreans, and how they have only begun to offer Korean dishes in the last few years. About the practice in Bethel (western Alaska) of including fortune cookies with every order - including cheeseburger and fries.

Then there is the passion of Eskimos for sushi and sashimi- but that is a whole different story.

This book is much too short.

art and family in Charlotte NC

2008-11-10T19:57:00.002-09:00

I spent Halloween weekend with my brother and his family in Charlotte. We did a lot of neat things, but my favorite was when they bought this great painting of the West Wall at the American Craft Show.A wonderful picture, and we really enjoyed meeting the artist.

the laughter continues

2008-11-10T19:55:00.000-09:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l8tbY5eLJU

election night in Alaska...

2008-11-04T18:17:00.002-09:00

... is very strange. Most times the networks call the national races and go home before the polls close here. I always feel a little isolated, hanging out on the western edge of the nation, four hours behind eastern time. No one is ever waiting for our electoral votes.

We have important races going on here. Not Palin (I hope). But our lone congressman (who lost a race to a dead man in the 70's and has been in office since) may lose. Our 84 year old Senator Stevens, recently convicted on seven felony charges, may lose tonight, too. Or not. These are important races and we hope to have results tomorrow.

But I will be glad to go to bed after I hear Obama's acceptance speech.

don't rush the snake

2008-10-13T19:28:00.004-08:00

After ten years with corn snakes, I have been enjoying my king snake (another rescue from the pound). She seemed, if anything, more tolerant of me than even the sweet tempered corns. She is an alert, active snake, often looking at me with interest from her cage, and settling against my body when I pick her up.

I did notice when I fed her that she has a ferocious prey strike. Unlike the corn snake, who will gently take the rat from my palm.

I was in a hurry tonight. I'm leaving for Portland in the morning and I haven't packed yet. The king's cage had to be cleaned and it was one more chore to be fitted into a busy evening. I moved too quickly and grabbed her, and felt those tiny needles in my palm. I told her I was sorry and we rocked in front of the fireplace for a while until we both calmed down.

My brother-in-law often asks about the "secret of life". He tells a long story about one of his brothers who, in response to this question, answered "When you are offered a booth or a table always take the table". Or maybe it was the other way 'round. (This reminds me of Jackie Mason's routines about the Jews and the Gentiles in the restaurant).

The last time he asked me I told him "Never run from the bear".

Now I think "Don't rush the snake" is almost as good as a motto.

must be the scary sweater

2008-10-09T17:46:00.005-08:00

Walking the dogs the other day, Sookie slipped away and I heard her barking. I turned around to see her nose to nose with a yearling moose, barking ferociously and advancing on him. The moose was backing away cautiously and politely.

This was a young and small moose, no more than 500 pounds. Sookie weighs nearly 10 pounds.

I called her and she came running back to me. She danced on her hind legs and waved her front paws in the air and told me she had saved me from the Big Dog.

It's been snowing for a week and today it started to look serious. The leaves are still on the trees but we might not see earth again until May.

Tundra swans

2008-10-06T12:28:00.001-08:00

These two stopped at an Anchorage lake a week ago for a vacation before they continue south.

that wasn't so bad

2008-10-02T18:41:00.002-08:00

I never voted for Sarah Palin. I never had any intention of voting for McCain-Palin this fall.

But I am relieved that she didn't embarrass us all tonight. Us? Alaskans? Women?

I do wish she would stop droppin' her g's, and saying doggone, heck, and golly. But I believe her when she says she is tolerant. Alaskans are.

The format was awful. Reaction shots are bad enough, but these two were face to face every minute. Each of them smirked and grimaced into the camera. That's production, not people.

Could have been a lot worse.

October, am I ready?

2008-09-30T21:20:00.007-08:00

Thanks to Jeanne Salther at www.assertivepatient.com, I have these talismans. The postcard is a mosaic she made from the pinkOctober M&M's a few years ago.

Still, I wasn't quite ready on Sunday when the nice young man at the grocery store asked me if I wanted to donate money for breast cancer research.

I said "no" quietly and politely.

I was thinking. About what I have already given (or lost). More than a third of my breast, three lymph nodes, every bit of my leave time for an entire year, about $10,000 out of pocket, the ability to sleep through the night, a significant amount of my waning cognitive functions, and an obscure sense of confidence in my body and my health.

A disease, not a marketing opportunity. Thanks Jeanne.

fall

2008-09-21T17:49:00.002-08:00

Snow on the mountains this morning. We walked the dogs in dark, wet weather. Then, for a few hours, it was sunny and lovely, with the gold palette of an Alaskan fall. I worked on putting the garden to bed. This is a rewarding activity. I have already planted bulbs, so that when I wake on winter mornings hours before sunrise I can lie still for a minute with my eyes closed and imagine them growing underground, under the snow.
Frost is forecast for tonight, although the annuals all looked lovely today. I've brought a few flowers inside.
My nasturtiums did not do well this year. The slugs didn't touch them (that peppery taste?) but I don't think they ever got enough sun.
Only a few yards away, my neighbor's nasturtiums were gorgeous. I will miss them if they don't survive the night.

Garrison Keillor

2008-09-19T21:16:00.003-08:00

Garrison Keillor came to town last week and I was awfully glad to see him.

I've been listening to that voice for 30 years. Now I don't have a "bucket list" of people to see before they die or I do. All last summer I was irritated by displays of books like "1000 Places to Go Before You Die". I don't want anyone telling me what I should do with the rest of my life. What I should read or who I should see live on stage.

I was irrationally pleased last month when one of the authors of "1000 Places" fell on his head in his home and died at age 46.

But I have always wanted to see Garrison, and here he was in my own town with a one man show. First, I was just grateful for someone saying kind things about Alaska. (With all the media coverage of Sarah, you would think there is something wrong with people who shoot and eat moose.) Garrison says he loves Alaska, and reminded us of things we do all the time (like float plane trips or meeting moose on the trail) that are once in a lifetime experiences for visitors.

The he spent over an hour weaving a story of many old and a few new elements from Lake Woebegone. There were the Sons of Knute giant duck decoys, the Lutheran pastors on Wally's pontoon boat, the 53 Chevy septic tank and the homecoming parade, and Bruno the Fishing Dog. This was interwoven with tales of two characters I don't remember hearing about before and one wedding and one funeral intersecting with all those familiar elements. Hot air balloons and gigolos and bowling balls and parasailing.

Then Garrison talked a little about the nature of storytelling. He reminded us that we have our stories too. "I'd like to hear your story," he said. "Maybe someday you will sit next to me on the plane. Say Anchorage to Seattle. That should be enough time for me to hear your story."

So I've been thinking about the story I would tell him on the plane ever since. I've decided to go traditional and tell my "coming to Alaska" story. Most of us have them.

Mine is the best story of my life. I've told it often. Now, approaching my fourteenth winter here, I imagine telling it to Garrison on the 12:15 am flight to Seattle.

John McCain doesn't look well

2008-09-18T20:57:00.002-08:00

And he isn't always coherent.

This is very scary. I wasn't too worried about a McCain presidency. He seemed like a bright and honorable man and who could be worse than Bush?

Maybe Sarah?

the truth about Palin

2008-09-17T18:59:00.001-08:00

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2008/09/12/palin/

But I loved the SNL segment last Saturday! Tina was born to be Sarah!

Frog"s midnight snack

2008-09-16T20:03:00.005-08:00

Last week I took the dogs out later than usual. I had been transfixed by a disturbing and lovely movie on DVD, "American Crime".
So it was nearly midnight when we went walkies.
Now there are things I could worry about in this neighborhood at night. There are gang members, drug users and sellers, pimps, johns, prostitutes. I've met them all but always had civil encounters. Drunks are sometimes a problem, but my littlest dog Sookie can handle that.
There are often moose. Bears are a distinct possibility, but I've never run into them here in Midtown.
I am afraid of some of my neighbors.
I moved into this condo thinking about snow removal and roof repair. There are some elderly condo board members who have been here more than 30 years and long for the good old days. They regarded me, at 54, as a dangerous youngster. A dog playing frisbee on the lovely and rarely used grounds is an abomination.
My next door neighbor Mary is one of these people.
So we had a nice walk. I saw a huge earthworm on the sidewalk and thought how much FrogBob would enjoy it. (FrogBob is a wonderful animal but insists on live food.) So I scooped it up carefully in one hand (slightly yeechy) and held the leashes in the other as we headed for home.
My elderly neighbor was in her carport. I couldn't imagine what she was doing up so late and she was calling "Karen!" which isn't my name.
She asked me if I was "in the book". I tried to explain that I didn't have a landline, realized that she didn't understand, and said
"no".
She asked me for my number. I found a pen in my pocket and tried to juggle one large and angry worm and two little dogs (Sookie was threatening Mary with dismemberment) while I wrote my name and number on an envelope.
I never thought to ask her why she needed my number, Couldn't be anything good.
FrogBob did enjoy the worm.

horrible things in the garden

2008-09-07T15:02:00.005-08:00

Its official. We had two days of summer - when summer is defined as a day when the temperature reached or exceeded 70 degrees F.

And it has rained. And rained.

Usually the gardens can count on endless sunshine, warmth, and few bugs. Too little rain, so watering is important.

When I lived in Juneau there were slugs. Huge, colorful characters. Juneau is Pacific Northwest rainforest, complete with banana slugs and other large and alarming creatures.

Most years in Anchorage, I have seen two or three slugs a season and ignored them. They were welcome to a bit of the garden.

This year, my little walled garden is dank with mold and moss and slimy with slugs. Hundreds of them. They ate the dahlias right down to the ground - no small feat when you think how fast dahlias grow around here.

And now they are breeding. Like most invertebrate sex, this is complicated and I'm not sure I understand it. I do know they are true hermaphrodites, and I find them linked together at two orifices. I don't dare look closer. The thought of another generation next summer alarms me, so I have been hunting them (easier now that they are two by two) and dropping them in a tub of salt.

This is uncharacteristic. I like invertebrates in general. Echinoderms are my favorites in the world, of course. I remember the movie Microcosmos featured sex between two slugs or snails that moved me to tears. I have just stuck that disc in the DVD player to try to recapture my usual tolerant self.

I'm just cranky because there was no summer.

Sarah!

2008-08-31T22:45:00.006-08:00

There was the excitement of the announcement, the ambivalence, and then the hurtful nature of the press. Alaska bashing. New ways to trivialize women.

I didn't vote for Sarah, and I won't be voting for McCain-Palin. This is a small state (in population, not area). We meet our governors at the airport and picnics and (unless the governor is Murkowski) we get to know and like them. Talk to them.

Sarah is smart, tough and thrilling. I trust her, I admire her. Don't underestimate a woman who shoots, fishes, flies, and raises five children. Maybe running the PTA is adequate training for running the world. No one has tried it before. This is the first lactating vice-presidential candidate we are talking about.

Maureen Dowd was snarkier than usual today. I resented her characterization of Alaska as an "overgrown igloo" and Sarah as a "Cinderella chick flick".

The most painful parts of this are statements like "she is a hero because she gave birth to Down's syndrome child". That is little Trig they are talking about, and we are very protective and proud of him here. Not because his mother didn't abort. She never described the experience in those terms. Sarah and the First Dude presented him proudly and spoke candidly about the prenatal diagnosis and their efforts to come to terms with it. They never presented their experience in political terms.

I am horrified at the implication that a feminist pro-choice Democrat would automatically abort in those circumstances, Someone like me. If I had been lucky enough to be pregnant at 44, or any other time, and learned that the baby had Down's, I never would have considered abortion. There's nothing wrong with people with Down's. Trig is a beautiful baby and an Alaskan. He is not a pro-life icon and Sarah has never suggested that.

Now I am unexpectedly excited about the Republican convention. I am even distracted from "Nixonland".

conventions and history

2008-08-26T19:19:00.003-08:00

I am watching the convention with interest, but it moves rather slowly. Worse than the Olympics.

So I sit in front of the television with "Nixonland" in my lap. Still convinced that Nixon is the story (and the horror) of my lifetime. I find, reading this, that I had forgotten a surprising number of details.

And its a big book - big enough to get me through both conventions.

relax - mouse is dead

2008-08-17T21:05:00.006-08:00

My new snake is, like my Sunshine corn snake, a stray. Adopted from the pound. This probably happens only in Alaska, since we have no snakes living here. Its just like Alaskans to rescue any snake they find and deliver it to the animal shelter.

She's a california king, not quite full grown, plump and mild mannered. I don't need another snake, but she is so lovely and so easy to handle I couldn't resist.

I have spent much of the weekend in various pet stores buying snake equipment of various kinds. And observing other pet freaks. I had a long talk with a man buying tropical fish. He said he hand-fed his fish and they would come to rest in his hand. He was bursting with excitement over the new fish in his plastic bag,

It seems odd, compared to the relationships we have with our dogs, How could I be so attached to my reptiles? They react to me, but I don't think they know me. But they are lovely and silent. I look forward to seeing them every morning and after work every day. I look forward to feeding them and cleaning cages each weekend. Apparently humans are wired to love fish, reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates (when we are not eating them),

My frog is singing, a loud, plangent sound. I love him too.

This has been bothering me ...

2008-07-25T22:27:00.003-08:00

Why am I in such a minority? I fully expect to live out my life without dying of breast cancer. It looks like something else will get me first. Survival? Pure luck, random event.

Who are these "positive attitude people"? They had a lot of high tech medical care for a disease that is not all that lethal and they attribute their survival to a "positive attitude"? Keep these women away from me

thoughts on weather and dogs

2008-07-24T17:51:00.002-08:00

Gloomy summer headed toward infamy
CHILLY: Anchorage could hit 65 degrees for fewest days on record.

Snow on the mountains this morning. I didn't actually see this because the skies were so overcast. But here is the Anchorage Daily News photo. With a long story about how this may set all records for the coldest and rainiest summer ever.

Everyone complains about the weather. But to put this in perspective, we had snow from early October through late April last winter.

Summers are usually brief but so glorious that no one is ungrateful enough to complain. This cold, overcast drizzle is hard to take.
___________________

Last night I watched a documentary on suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm not sure why - I think Netflix told me I would like it. In a way I did. The bridge was so gorgeous against the sky and the water. There were interviews with the families of some of those who died there. These were people with severe and long-standing mental illnesses, and the stories of their lives were more painful than the stories of their death.

One couple described the unbearable story of their son's life and death in a dozen different scenes. In each scene, they were sitting on a comfortable couch in a cozy living room with their dachshund.

The dog moved back and forth between them. Each person petted him, rubbed him, cuddled him. The dog sat quietly, or rolled over to show his belly, or carefully licked their hands. He never barked or made eye contact with camera.

I tear up thinking about the dog. He was a working lap dog, providing comfort to people who were suffering an intolerable loss. Working with tact and skill. A heroic little wiener dog.

I want a bumper sticker that says "lap dogs are working dogs too". Mine do their work with great dedication and sensitivity.

Rocky once gave me career advice. I was working a nursing management job with 24 hour call and lots of clinical time. (Except for working all the time and being paid less per hour than any of the people who worked for me, it was a wonderful job). One night I came home late as usaul. While I was making dinner, Rocky went into the closet and got up on his hind legs to get to my parka. He took the beeper out of my pocket. Then he hid under the bed and chewed it to pieces.

The next morning I went in to work and turned in the fragments of beeper and my resignation.

Everyone should have such a good dog.

beware the ferns!

2008-07-11T20:49:00.004-08:00

This summer has been cool and overcast - perfect fern weather. I have some ferns in my garden and struggle to keep them under control.

But Linda has this glorious fern garden on her east wall.

I don't think I could sleep with these gorgeous prehistoric creatures filling up the garden and blocking the exit and threatening the house...

4th of July in Alaska

2008-07-08T13:56:00.004-08:00

The Fourth is always a big holiday here in Alaska. In the gold mining days, the mine closed only for Christmas and the Fourth of July. Every town celebrates with enthusiasm, but Juneau's holiday is my favorite.

I flew down Thursday night and got to my friend Alena's house in time to mix a batch of margaritas and watch the fireworks from her living room. Perfect view out over the harbor.

Then the parades. There are two parades every year, the first in downtown Juneau and a second smaller parade in the center of Douglas - the island across the bridge. Parades included pipers, a Tlinkit Elvis, and a pack of marching pugs and their humans.

This year I've been thinking about how much the Filipino communities in Alaska add to the Fourth. The best float (Anchorage). The best marching band (these eagle-costumed folks in the picture in Juneau). Then, of course, there is the traditional Fourth of July lunch of chicken adobo, steamed buns, and panncit.

Fifteen years ago I had never eaten any of these wonderful foods. Moving to Alaska was like moving to New York only better -
diversity and great stuff to eat!

Cosmo

2008-06-28T10:10:00.002-08:00

Cosmo - the big blond guy - is a funny looking dog. He gets a lot of attention at the dog park, with everyone asking about and speculating on his ancestry.

He has an enormous head and a very handsome tail. His short legs are all knees and ankles and his feet might be on wrong. His long heavy body makes him enormous when he stands on his hind legs.

Cosmo is a sociable dog, always ready to be petted and admired. People laugh out loud when they look at him.

I gave him a DNA test for his birthday. We half expected a call from the company to say "what the hell is this?" They reported that he is predominantly (more than 50%) german shepherd. None of his other DNA matches anything in their data base,

The shepherd part makes sense, although he is little dim for a shepherd. But he herds other dogs by running in circles and loves rules (many of which he makes up himself).

No explanation for the lack of legs.

George Carlin

2008-06-24T20:47:00.004-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/opinion/24seinfeld.html?ex=1372046400&en=7833db74595042b7&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

I've been hearing George Carlin's voice in my head since I was about twelve, and his death isn't going to change that. I can recite "dogs and cats" and "football and baseball" from memory - they are on my iPod if I start losing my mind. I never mastered the "seven words" and the sequels because I laughed too hard when I got to "tit - OK if it is five am and there is a cow in the picture".

Whenever I hear a weather report I re-phrase it in Al Sleet's terms "Darkness begining in the evening and continuing through the night". I rarely pick up a bottle of water without hearing him say, "What the fuck, is the nation so dehydrated? Get a drink of water before you leave the house!"

"When will Jesus bring the pork chops?" is on my bedside table right now.

I was so lucky to see him on stage once, about ten years ago. In Fairbanks, in the winter. (No one plays Fairbanks in the winter). Slim and intense in black, what came through so much more clearly live was his anger. It glowed, it thrilled, it made me gasp when I tried to laugh.

And I was moved by Seinfeld's tribute, above. I was surprised - I don't really think of Jerry having human feelings.

Years ago I saw a PBS special on Carlin where he and his brother talked about his background. The alcoholic mother, the absent father. And the amazing fact of the unusual Catholic school where he was recognized as a genius immediately and treated with great respect and kindness until he ran away.

He hated religiousity above all else and insisted we go nowhere when we die. But he lives on in our language and metaphor - I don't think he would mind that.

He riffed on death all the time. "Wouldn't it be interesting if the only way you could die was that suddenly your head blew up? If there were no other causes of death? Everyone died the same way? Sooner or later, without warning, your head simply exploded? You know what I think? I think people would get used to it".

more about martial metaphors and cancer

2008-06-02T17:15:00.002-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/01/health/01stoical.html?ex=1370145600&en=78723bd41cb12ce7&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

You'd think that all these years after Sontag's "Illness as Metaphor" we would be over this....

I never battled cancer. Hell. this is a part of me we are talking about. I don't regret the slash/burn/poison, but this was never a war.

not all that interesting

2008-05-31T00:38:00.005-08:00

Last week, when I was in Barnes & Nobles looking for the new George Romero DVD, I noticed Shelley Lewis's book, "Five lessons I didn't learn from breast cancer". Thinking about the first anniversary of diagnosis and everything that followed, I bought it.

I guess its all right (notice that Rocky is not impressed). Of course I agree with the premise - we do not suddenly become better after treating this very common disease. Little or no insight attached. There are some good lines in the book."If you honestly think breast cancer is a gift, you can't come to my birthday party". And whole chapters about the healthy and useful aspects of denial - I'm still amazed about how little information I took in and how little I sought out.

Maybe a year is too soon to look back. But now, my main thought is that the experience was not very interesting. I wouldn't want to repeat it. There was a little fear, a lot of anger, but mostly the experience was boring. It didn't teach me much.

I have always found my patients' stories about their illnesses absolutely fascinating. But mine was boring. A series of tasks, a sequence of worries.

more about the evil beaver

2008-05-31T00:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.adn.com/wildlife/story/418895.html

local moose and other urban wildlife

2008-05-18T15:58:00.003-08:00

The tulips are ready. Any day now a moose will come by, walking neatly on the sidewalk, and carefully bite the bloom off each tulip. A sad thing but it can't be helped. They are not nearly as fond of daffodils, fortunately.

The cows are moving into town to give birth. Bears and wolves love to eat moose calves. Unlike moose, bears and wolves tend to avoid humans. So throughout the city the cows will give birth in back yards, parks, schoolyards, and hiking trails. Anywhere people tend to be. In Denali National Park, they often choose the tennis court or the hotel parking lot (right next to the espresso bar).

We all love calves, bright red and the size of goats. But their urban presence is something of a worry. Mother cows are very protective. They give birth near us, but are likely to charge to defend their babies.

We took the dogs to the park today. A muddy section of trail forced us to a section we usually avoid because of the presence of a beaver dam. Usually we walk at midday when the beavers are asleep. Today we were a little early - that happens when the sun rises at 4 am. Having screwed up twice, we met the beaver. First he slapped his tail. That meant something to the humans, but the (rather slow) dogs were intrigued. Rocky and Cosmo stood at the edge of the water on full alert.

The beaver, who weighed at least 50 pounds and was smarter and faster than than the dogs came rearing up out of the water, standing tall, and chirping at the dogs. We hastily called them back and leashed them and dragged them away.

Never mess with a beaver. Or an otter,

good mammogram

2008-05-12T18:34:00.005-08:00

Notice how, in addition to the pinkish pasty over the nipple, I got to wear little radio-opaque pink triangles (pink triangles!) over the incision lines. There was another row of pink triangles over the scar from the sentinel node biopsy, but it got all wrapped up in a ball before I got home to take a picture,
But everything looks fine on the first anniversary, alive and well.
Now I have to rethink the follow-up. Every couple months I have an appointment with another doctor - another one I like very much. I go in and show my tits and we say hellos and I write a check.
It might be time to stop that and learn to keep my shirt on like a normal person again.

Plant for the cure?

2008-05-11T22:11:00.003-08:00

And its not even October yet! Look what I found when I went out to buy marigolds today. I can't even garden in peace.

what is it thinking?

2008-05-10T21:07:00.002-08:00

The Christmas cactus bloomed nicely in December. Why now? Maybe I forgot to water it for two weeks in a row. That's possible. These are great plants. Any time they are negleded they burst into bloom.

on snow and illness

2008-04-25T17:33:00.002-08:00

We've had more than a foot of snow today and it doesn't look like it will ever end.

I'm starting to feel better after two months of asthma symptoms. Asthma is very unpleasant, with all that coughing and gagging and retching. Asthma is more likely to disable or kill me than breast cancer at this point.

But I've been going to the pulmonolgist, standing in line at the drug store, writing large checks, and having chest xrays and somehow it hasn't bothered me much at all.

No one is trying to raise awareness of asthma or use it to sell me something. No asthma survivors are running around talking about it endlessly. The pulmonologist's office has normal magazines, like Audubon and Redbook. instead of Cure!, Heal!, Thrive! and (my favorite, although I've never opened it) MAMM.

The pulmonary equivalent? Maybe WHEEZE! or ?BREATHE.

Just an ordinary, common, unpleasant chronic disease. Like cancer.

now! maybe?

2008-04-20T17:10:00.003-08:00

Last weekend it snowed.

Today I found my lawn chair in the garage, and sat out in the sun with my coat on, reading Maureen Corrigan's "Leave me alone, I'm reading". Then I took my coat off. Rolled up my pants and took my shirt off. Then I moved into the shade.

The little dogs, like me, adore our little enclosed garden. It always amazes me (I have loved and farmed acres at a time) how wonderful a 40 foot by 40 foot space can be.

For 6 months of the year I hate my little condo. The 70's shoddy construction, the worn out windows and nasty cheap floors, the low ceilings and the little rooms.

Then, in the spring, I imagine the first time I saw it. Lilac, lily of the valley, bleeding heart, tiger lilies. The lovely single rose at the front door.

Today there are traces of poppies and day lilies.

fried spinach - Birmingham, Alabama

2008-04-12T18:27:00.005-08:00

I love southern food. I love having people following me around with silver pitchers murmuring "Sweet tea?". The answer is always yes. I believe southern fried foods are some of the most delicious things on the planet. (But then, I love muktuk too). I am neutral on okra, unless it is fried. Fried okra is good.

This fried spinach was rather yuukky. The texture of a potato chip, but with a taste of all that is dubious in spinach.

"You people will fry anything!" I said rudely.

Craig, a fellow diner, laughed. "You cain't hardly think of nothin' around here that ain't fallen in hot grease!" he said.

Actually Craig, like most Southerners I've met, is an educated man who speaks standard English elegantly.

Birmingham is a lovely city and I only wish I'd had more time to spend there. The "magic city", and the great figure of Vulcan looming over the pretty park. Dogwood and azalea.

Meanwhile, back in Alaska, we have had two feet of snow in a week and more predicted. But the days are sunny and endless, and it is hard to complain about something as lovely as new snow under that intense blue sky.

halibut is here

2008-03-22T22:29:00.002-08:00

The vernal equinox is also the time the first fresh halibut of the year hits the market.

What a wonderful fish! Mild, sweet. It can be cooked any of hundreds of ways and they are all good. Halibut is one of the best parts of living in Alaska.

spring really is coming

2008-03-16T21:14:00.004-08:00

Linda has a south facing exposure, and her bulbs are always the first out. Look!

Spring in Alaska is much better than spring in New England. The days are long and usually sunny. Breakup happens with thrilling speed. There is no mud season - just a few days of floods and excitement.

the best Iditarod ever

2008-03-12T22:44:00.003-08:00

http://www.adn.com/2693/story/342356.html

I know I said that last year. But really, seeing Dee Dee and Paul in the early leads, friends Jim Lanier and Robert Buntzen having such good runs.. And the trash-talking but gentlemanly stuff between Lance Mackey and the great Jeff King... and Lance's second win! The second time this crazy man and Larry, Hansom, etc won both the Yukon Quest and the Iditarod back to back,,, what a thrill!

The teams run at night because days in the Arctic this time of year are too warm for the dogs. During the Idtarod I often dream that I am on the trail. I see my dogs ahead of me in the light of my headlamp.

Last night I dreamed of Lance running through the night. I was amused when four different people told me of similar dreams.

Imagine all of us dreaming of Lance as he runs...

Good dogs!

my first trip to New Orleans

2008-03-10T20:19:00.004-08:00

This was a business trip, and I suffered through 36 hours of Death by PowerPoint in an over-crowded ballroom.

But what a weird and wonderful city! The food was so good I found myself tearing up with joy. (Ate a lot of crawfish.) The Cajun brisket at Tujacques came with a tomato horseradish sauce to die for. The locals all sound like they come from New York. I was surprised to find large and active Irish, German, and Italian enclaves. The language I heard most often was Spanish. Great Cuban restaurants. No bookstores anywhere, unless you count porn.

At night, the "Touchdown Jesus" casts a shadow as high as the cathedral.

The architecture made me laugh out loud. Tara next to Greco-Roman next to ...

There is something called a dacquiri. This is a Slurpee in a variety of lurid colors generously laced with grain alcohol. They range from large to gallon at very modest prices. What a horrible way to drink! I liked the mango ones best..

I took a bus tour to look at Katrina damage ( a lot) and recovery (very little). Miles and miles of devastation, almost three years out. We looked at levees that failed, and levees that held. The most poignant thing, to me, was how lovely these devasted neighborhoods must have been. Little "shotgun houses" with front porches and fenced yards, the bright paint still visible on the ruins. I can imagine people on the porches and dogs in the yard.

Dee Dee first into Cripple!

2008-03-07T17:57:00.004-09:00

Got into a cab this afternoon, a little disoriented after five days in New Orleans. I asked the cab driver how the Iditarod was going, and he told me beautifully. Dee Dee was first into Cripple, the halfway point, after Paul Gebhardt got turned around and started back the way he had come. We spent ten minutes deep in the details of mushing. Aside from baseball, this is the only sport I know and love and can talk about endlessly at the slightest provocation.
Dee Dee scratched last year, and I didn't think she was going to run again. She broke her hand and blamed it on the drugs she was taking to prevent a recurrence of her breast cancer. She had run the 2003 just weeks after completing chemo.
But maybe this is her year!!!!

Iditarod start

2008-03-01T17:34:00.004-09:00

On a perfect spring day I volunteered at the take-out for the ceremonial Iditarod start. Over one hundred teams came through, including the absolute heroes of Alaska, Lance Mackey with Larry, Hansom, Rapper, and Hobo.

I also make an exception for celebrity breast cancer women and even pink ribbons for Dee Dee Jonwroe. Here she is signing autographs. Pink was her trademark long before she had breast cancer - even her dogs' harnesses are pink. I hope she has a great run. to Nome this year.

celebrity breast cancer

2008-02-22T20:06:00.005-09:00

I'm not really into celebs with breast cancer. They are too young (average age at diagnosis in the US is 62) and thin and rich. But I downloaded Sheryl's "Make it go away (the radiation song)". It was a week before I dared listen to it. And it brought the experience back so intensely I was shaken. Radiation doesn't hurt and doesn't make you sick. And I really lucked out with a one week course and a radiology staff that was wonderful. But it scared me, and Sheryl reminded me of that.

Last weekend I talked to Uncle Pat and Aunt Barbara. (I should have done this earlier.) I an totally incapable of pretense with any of my aunts and uncles, and they all know me too well. This was very helpful. I explained to Pat, "Now that it's over I can say it wasn't a big deal. And it is over, and unlikely to cause more trouble. But at the time I complained a lot and I was very upset!".

How nice to be able to say that! And to listen to someone else say it in song.

it got warm

2008-02-18T20:21:00.001-09:00

I was awakened last night by a crash in the garden. It had gotten warm and the 6 foot ice phallus had collapsed.

It's early yet - might get cold again.

damn redpolls

2008-02-16T16:53:00.001-09:00

Did the math today - these birds are eating $10 of sunflower seeds a week.

try to think of it as ice art

2008-02-15T20:07:00.002-09:00

A pipe drips water, and this phallus of ice is created in the garden. I think I kicked over a two foot version months ago.

This one is at least six feet.

Maybe I will kick it down before gravity takes its course.

way too cold for little dogs

2008-02-10T20:51:00.000-09:00

Too cold. Sookie, even with layers of coats and little booties, can't come to the dog park with us. The temperature has hovered around
-20 to +10 for weeks. I'm not complaining. It's been -50 to -70 in the Interior. And I used to live there, and I've experienced those temperatures. For seconds at a time, it's thrilling. You wonder, "Will I survive? Will I be able to get to work? Will the planes fly today? Can I breathe? Why does the sky look like that? Look, ravens can fly."

But for most of the day, cold like that is grueling. You wear so many layers of clothes that you can go outside and survive. But it takes so long and so much energy to get dressed that there is nothing left to DO anything. On Saturday afternoon you think "Should I go out to a movie? Is it worth the discomfort and the very real risk? Or should I just sit here and admire the chickadees at the feeder? Watch the moose graze along the path I shoveled?"

Anchorage isn't so bad. And we are up to more than 8 hours of daylight.

Goodbye to all that #2

2008-02-05T15:27:00.000-09:00

http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2008/02/03/good-bye-to-all-that-part-ii-by-robin-morgan/

too many redpolls

2008-02-05T08:34:00.001-09:00

I started with two small feeders and a block of suet. I would fill the feeders and come home (after dark) to find them empty. The redpolls are back.

These birds form huge flocks. In a give year I will see none, dozens, or thousands. And I can't believe how much they eat. I added another feeder. Watching the feeding frenzy on Sunday afternoon,I started throwing the seed directly on the ground for them. That works.

The thing is, I don't like redpolls very much. They are curiously lacking in personality. When they mob the feeders the chickadees, nuthatches, and purple finches disappear. A flock of redpolls has none of the grace and excitement a flock of bohemian waxwings brings.

But it's ten below zero, so I'll keep feeding them. And I'll be relieved when they disappear.

one block wonder

2008-02-01T21:02:00.000-09:00

Ever since I saw the stack'n'whack quilt Aunt Anne made for her grandson John, I have longed to make one. I bought the books and had three minor disasters. The nice little triangles I made can still be used, but not for this technique.

Stack'n'whack and one-block-wonders are particularly obsessive variations of the quilters' art. Start with a wonderful fabric. A lovely fabric. A perfectly lovely fabric. Then cut it up and sew it together again.

I know this makes no sense at all.

So I took a class last Sunday. I think I have it.

Frog

2008-02-01T20:50:00.000-09:00

I love my reptile and amphibian friends because they don't bully me like the mammals and birds in my life.

My snake is easy to read. I feed her when she looks around for food, and leave her alone when her eyes are hooded and she is ready to shed.

The frog is harder. From time to time he estivates. Estivate means he hangs out in his hide box, buried in moss, for weeks. He sheds during this process, pulling his skin into his mouth with his little forelegs. But I can't tell when he is going to do this. Or when he is done.

Unlike my mild-mannered corn snake, the frog is an irritable character who bites whenever he can.

But of course, I am nuts about him anyway,

Progress

2008-01-27T17:00:00.000-09:00

The "way too dark" part of the winter is over already. Now I admit it is cold - about zero. There is plenty of snow. The redpols in my back yard are eating half a pound of sunflower seeds a week.

But there is Daylight! Not enough maybe, but now that we are above seven hours and gaining more than four minutes a day anything seems possible.

I had a follow-up visit with the surgeon this week. Everyone came in to admire my breast (I used to be shy about such things). Actually, it looks better than the good one and I no longer have a matching set but I'm not complaining.

Marilyn said very few women were opting for the short course of radiation (twice a day for five days instead of five times a week for six weeks). I was the third woman in Anchorage to go that route. It is in Phase 3 trials now and is not yet standard therapy. She said when the radiologist said "long term results are unknown" that seemed to scare women off. I never thought twice about it. Marilyn suggested that we health care providers know damn well how little we know about anything and therefore worry about it less. That might well explain my attitude.

I can come up with dozens of questions that can't be answered. What's one more?

yet another obsession

2008-01-17T20:45:00.000-09:00

My mother introduced me to this. The circle knitting loom. This is a variation on the spool with four nails we used as kids to create long, useless yarn cords. I have instructions to actually make stuff with these, but all I do is go around in circles and make simple knitted hats. This is very absorbing and it is hard to stop. There are many groups that collect winter hats, baby hats, and chemo hats. This is fortunate, because I'd be drowning in these things.

I actually wear one of these hats myself and like it very much.

Good Mammogram

2008-01-08T21:30:00.000-09:00

I never used to worry about these things. But I don't wait for results anymore. The test was done Friday, and when I looked at it I was worried. On Monday I went to the hospital to pick up the report. A good report!
One dot is the radiopaque thingy over the nipple. There are three gold bead in the incision site.
The stuff I was worried about was just scarring.
So far so good...

things I don't want for my birthday

2008-01-06T17:40:00.001-09:00

A pink taser. Don't tase me sis!

Plan B

2008-01-05T12:55:00.000-09:00

I watched "The Simpsons Movie" on DVD this week. Its not as good as the average television episode, but I loved it when they moved to Alaska. They were homeless and penniless when Homer announced, "I always knew I would need a Plan B for my life eventually" and pulled a big poster of Alaska from his pocket.

Yup, it was just like that for me.

late for Christmas

2007-12-29T11:09:00.000-09:00

Well, I did less and a lot of that was late. These pearl earrings for Suzanne are the only gifts I actually made this year, and she won't get them until after New Years. Nice, though.

Happy birthday Sookie (she's 6)

2007-12-23T15:05:00.000-09:00

they made it to Alaska!

2007-12-23T15:02:00.000-09:00

Missing sister and nephew

2007-12-22T23:12:00.000-09:00

They were supposed to arrive last night - a little before midnight. Fog in Chicago. I tracked their flight on line - about 45 min late - and got to the airport about 11:30. Plane arrived at 12:04. No relatives.
When I got home I checked my email. A nice message from my brother-in-law that not only were they stuck in Chicago, Cynthia had inadvertenly deleted my cell phone number.

I loved the title of his message (above). Maybe tonight they will get here.

And whoever thought of a snowman creche?

More things I don't want for Christmas

2007-12-21T09:25:00.000-09:00

Pink ribbon antenna ball and yodel pickle. Well, maybe a yodel pickle would be fun.

Something I don't want for Christmas

2007-12-21T09:11:00.001-09:00

Inflatable Japanese breasts.

zombie Christmas

2007-12-20T14:04:00.000-09:00

Daniel and Cynthia arrive from NYC tomorrow and I am planning an all-zombie Christmas. We will go and see "I am Legend", I have that Italian zombie film where they walk across the Brooklyn Bridge coming on Netfix, and assorted zombie books (including 39 Days of Night) are under the tree wrapped in penguin paper.

Tamoxifen brain?

2007-12-11T20:13:00.000-09:00

I've lost my ID tag twice this month. My cell phone has been left behind (or gone dead) so many times I regret giving up my landline. I have a calender but can't seem to distinguish one week from another. I've lost one remote and have trouble moving the remaining one from room to room.

Am I any worse than I was a year ago? I'm not sure, but I worry more about it. Where will this end?

But really, despite some hot flashes and vagueness, I'm not sure the Tamoxifen is bothering me at all. How competent was I a year ago? I'm not sure.

frustration

2007-12-09T18:36:00.000-09:00

This happened last year too, and I don't think I ever solved the problem. I bought this pre-wired fake tree because I always had tangled lights. But this one has a combination of plugs, sockets, and fuses that I don't understand at all. There aren't any written instructions. So I plug and unplug, first patiently then more and more angrily, in hopes that the top third of the tree will light up. I think it took a couple days last year, and obviously I don't remember the solution! So much for holiday cheer tonight.

Snow finally

2007-11-12T10:16:00.000-09:00

Just when it was too dark to bear, snow arrived. Weeks later than usual. But now the brief daylight, the moon and stars, and even the streetlights reflect off and the world is bright again.

finally November

2007-11-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

..and the dogs are in their winter coats and soon the pink ribbons on the soup cans will disappear. I wonder if I will be this angry next October.

I'm into the second week of tamoxifen and trying to get used to having hot flashes again. Only four years and 50 weeks to go. Actually there will probably be a whole new standard of care before then.

Today I made the appointment for my 6-months-after-radiation mammogram. "And are you a breast cancer survivor, ma'am?' the woman on the phone asked cheerfully.

World Series

2007-10-27T15:54:00.000-08:00

Foggy, cold weekend - and I'm looking forward to two evenings of serious baseball.

Game One was a horror show. I kept hoping the umps would stop the game before someone got hurt. But Game Two was everything you could want in a game.

Linda has been watching the games with me. Now Linda has never shown any interest in any sport. But she has been entranced. She likes Manny, of course.

Her questions started out very basic. I had to define outs, balls, and innings, explain how many men were on a team, what was a bullpen, and so on. Linda learns fast, however, and her questions have gotten more sophisticated. Last night I had to explain the designated hitter.

Fortunatly, she became interested in the playoffs late, so I never had to explain the magic number or the wild card. (I don't understand either.) I'm now trying to keep her away from the in-field fly rule.

Cure! Cope! Heal! Mamm?

2007-10-20T16:08:00.000-08:00

The magazine rack at the oncologist's office.

No matter how good your prognosis, never go to the oncologist's office without your own reading material. This stuff looks lethal.

false alarm

2007-10-17T21:10:00.000-08:00

I've had a lot of pain right below my collarbone ever since I finished the radiation. Then two days ago, while rubbing the sore spot, I noticed a sizable lump on my collarbone. Maybe 3 cm x 2cm, and tender to the touch.

So now what? I've vowed never to see my internist again. Which of my three docs should look at this? My first choice was the surgeon, but although I was vague about "a new lump" I couldn't get past her vigilant receptionist. I already have an appointment with the medical onocologist for Friday. I thought it might be bad luck to present to him with a lump. The radiation oncologist - the kindest man in the world with the best office staff - agreed to see me right away.

He pointed out that the lump was outside the field of radiation. Therefore, nothing of interest. But he (kindly again) gave me an order for an xray and promised to go over the results with me immediatley.

Freaked, I called in sick this morning and went to the hospital. They did the xray quickly and handed me the film and the report.

"Moderate osteoarthritis with hypertrophy of the clavicular head".

More good news - persistent pain fopr the rest of my life and nothing lethal.

I went out to lunch, came home, and immersed myself in a Norwegian detective novel.

Across the Universe

2007-10-15T20:49:00.000-08:00

I don't like romantic movies. Not unless they are "Wuthering Heights" with Merle Oberlin and Lawrence Olivier out on the moors.

Car chases, shock cuts, zombies, and explosions are always good. Sometimes a tidy, wry, little British movie is good. But usually my tastes run to aliens, Will Farrell, mobsters, cops, vampires, and more zombies. I watched a DVD of "Dirty Larry, Crazy Mary" tonight.

I saw "Love" in Vegas last year. The sound (which went from speakers built into the seats directly to the brain) was thrilling. Some of the scenes, with Beatles images and voices, made me cry. Others, more Cirque than Beatles, were rather annoying.

The show had me primed for more new ways to explore the Beatles' great 20th century songbook. When iTunes offered the "Across the Universe" soundtrack, I downloaded it and played it over and over.

I saw the movie yesterday and fell in love - the way I fell for "A Hard Day's Night" 44 years ago. But this time there were huge hunks of my life on the screen.

I hear the movie is a big hit with 15 year old girls. If one asked me, "Was it really like that?", I could only say "Yes, it was".

And another Christmas cactus

2007-10-15T17:44:00.000-08:00

This one combines gifts from two friends. This plant has never left Anchorage. It spent the summer in the yard and budded up right on schedule. It confused me with a handful of blossoms last Easter.

Christmas cactus

2007-10-14T21:15:00.000-08:00

Aunt Anne gave me some pieces of a Christmas cactus just about a year ago. It was a piece of my grandmother's plant. I remember it blooming in the bay window where she held court with the big black phone. I brought the cuttings all the way back from Virginia to Alaska, and they have done well.

But now this plant reminds me of my grandmother, my father, and my Aunt Anne.

I'll repot it this week and next year it will start to bloom about now. This makes me feel so lucky and so loved.